Being Teased Is So Much Fun

Yesterday, during an erotic massage, I found myself thinking about teasing.

I do it a lot.

Especially with someone seeing me for the first time.

A new client doesn't quite know me yet. He may have read my website, looked at my photos, exchanged messages with me and formed some idea of what an erotic massage with me is going to be like.

But he doesn't really know.

And I rather enjoy that.

Because there is a particular kind of pleasure in not knowing exactly what comes next.

When does a massage become erotic?

That's part of the fun: sometimes you don't quite know.

I've had first-time clients tell me afterward that they arrived nervous because they weren't sure what to expect.

At first, everything feels familiar.

Hands moving across tired muscles. Pressure. Warmth. A tight shoulder gradually releasing.

And then something is slightly different.

Maybe during a long stroke they feel my body brush against theirs.

Maybe my hands linger a little longer than expected.

Maybe a touch feels less practical and a little more sensual.

Nothing dramatic has happened. There hasn't been a ceremonial announcement:

*Attention please. The erotic portion of today's program will now commence.*

Something has simply changed.

And just as the client begins wondering where this is going...

I might go straight back to working on that shoulder.

I'm not completely cruel.

Anticipation is part of pleasure

We sometimes think about erotic pleasure in a very straightforward way: find the thing that feels good and do more of it.

But that would be a little like enjoying dessert by shoving the entire cake into your mouth.

Technically, yes. You have located the cake.

But you've missed quite a lot of the experience.

Teasing gives desire somewhere to go.

A touch gets close to where you hope it might go...and then wanders somewhere else.

Something feels as though it's about to happen...and doesn't.

Eventually you stop waiting for it.

And then...

Well.

That's the fun of teasing.

The uncertainty makes small sensations more interesting. You notice pressure, warmth, proximity, movement and pauses.

Instead of simply receiving touch, you start becoming curious about it.

Relaxation. Stimulation. Relaxation.

For me, erotic massage isn't a straight line from relaxation to increasing stimulation.

I like moving back and forth.

Relaxation.

A little stimulation.

Back to relaxation.

More stimulation.

Deep pressure releasing a tight muscle, followed unexpectedly by the lightest touch somewhere completely different.

Then perhaps both at the same time.

That contrast can make each sensation feel stronger.

Something firm makes something light seem impossibly light. Something sensual makes the return to ordinary massage surprisingly grounding.

Eventually the boundaries between them begin to blur.

And that's often where things become really interesting.

Wait...how many people are touching me?

More than one client has told me that sometimes it feels as though two people are working on him at once.

I promise there isn't another massage therapist hiding under the table.

It's something I deliberately play with.

One hand might be doing slow, firm work on a shoulder while the other creates a completely different sensation somewhere else.

Now the mind has a problem.

Which one am I supposed to pay attention to?

An anxious mind can be remarkably talented at receiving a massage while simultaneously thinking about tomorrow's meeting, an unanswered message, whether you locked the door and that embarrassing thing you said in 2007.

But when two very different sensations are happening in different places, there is suddenly quite a lot for your attention to explore.

There's that.

And there's this.

Wait, what was that?

The thinking often begins to quiet.

Attention returns to sensation.

And instead of trying to figure out what is going to happen next, you begin experiencing what is happening now.

Your body joins the conversation

This is also why teasing isn't something I perform according to a predetermined sequence.

I'm paying attention too.

A change in breathing.

A little movement.

A moment of stillness.

A long sigh.

Sometimes I'll notice that a particular touch has caught someone's attention.

And then I'll move away from it.

There can be a wonderful little moment of:

Hey. Come back.

Maybe I will.

Eventually.

Because teasing isn't just withholding something someone wants.

It's a conversation.

I touch.

Your body responds.

I notice.

Something changes.

And gradually we're developing a language that didn't exist when you walked through the door.

Not knowing can be part of the fun

With regular clients, there is familiarity. We already know one another. There is a shared language and a certain amount of trust.

With someone new, there is another ingredient:

Discovery.

He doesn't know my rhythm yet.

He doesn't know whether a particular touch means something else is coming.

He doesn't know whether I'm going to continue, move away, become more sensual or suddenly decide that his shoulder really needs some attention.

At the beginning, that uncertainty can create nervousness.

But once someone realizes he is safe and doesn't need to predict or perform, the same uncertainty can become something completely different.

Curiosity.

That's one of my favorite moments.

The person on the table stops trying to figure out what he's supposed to experience.

The body softens.

The mind becomes quieter.

And he lets himself wonder what comes next.

Erotic massage doesn't have to be a race toward a predictable destination.

Nor does it have to be terribly serious.

Sometimes it can simply be two adults enjoying touch, relaxation, anticipation, curiosity and a little mischief.

Sometimes pleasure is getting exactly what you want.

And sometimes pleasure is spending a deliciously long time wondering when you're going to get it.