Eros After Healing: From Collapse to Confidence

Before I go any further, let me say this clearly:

When I use the word Eros, I’m not talking about sex.

I’m talking about the energy beneath sex, the pulse of aliveness that connects breath, body, emotion, and truth.

It’s the warmth that rises in your chest when someone really sees you.

It’s the quiet stirring of desire without shame.

It’s the sense of being awake in your own skin.

Eros can express sexually, yes, but it also expresses through presence, tenderness, curiosity, boundaries, vulnerability, and the courage to be honest.

For most of my life, this part of me was wrapped in fear, confusion, and collapse.

Healing it changed everything, and it’s the reason I can do the work I do today.

The Earlier Years: Collapse, Confusion, and Mixed Signals

In my younger years, my erotic expression felt like a house built on unstable ground.

I felt desire, but it scared me.

I wanted connection, yet I didn’t know how to inhabit it.

My nervous system didn’t know how to stay present with intensity, it either tightened or disappeared.

There were moments where I felt like I lived inside two bodies, one that wanted deeply and another that shut down the moment wanting mattered.

Touch felt like a test.

Intimacy felt like stepping into a room where I didn’t know the rules.

Sometimes I overperformed.

Sometimes I collapsed.

Often, I carried private shame that something in me was broken.

But nothing was broken.

I simply had wounds, old scripts, and no internal safety.

What I needed was presence.

What I needed was healing.

How Healing Changed Erotic Expression

Over the years, I did the work, emotional, somatic, spiritual, tantric, shamanic, relational.

Not all at once.

Not dramatically.

More like a thaw.

Slowly, Eros transformed.

It stopped being something that overwhelmed me or slipped through my fingers.

It became something I could sit with.

Something I could breathe with.

Something I could listen to.

Instead of abandoning myself around desire, I began staying present.

Instead of fearing intensity, I became capable of holding it.

Instead of performing, I simply became myself.

This shift wasn’t about becoming “more sexual.”

It was about becoming less inhibited internally.

And let me say this plainly, being less inhibited doesn’t mean being reckless.

It doesn’t mean giving in to impulse or abandoning boundaries.

It means having so much inner safety that I can feel desire without being driven by it.

It means I have more control, not less, more capacity, more choice, more precision.

Healing didn’t unleash chaos; it cultivated discernment.

As the inner walls softened, erotic intelligence began to take its natural shape,  grounded, safe, attuned, and deeply human.

Present Day: Eros as Sovereignty and Service

Now, when men come to see me, they meet a very different man than the one I used to be.

They meet someone who:

• stays rooted in the presence of erotic energy

• doesn’t collapse under intensity

• doesn’t rush to please or perform

• doesn’t confuse desire with danger

• holds boundaries with clarity and compassion

• listens with his whole body

• treats Eros as a sacred current, not a transaction

My capacity today is not something I perform, 

it’s something I’ve earned.

Eros is no longer a battlefield.

It’s a form of sovereignty.

Clients feel this instantly.

They might not have the language for it, but they sense it, the stability, the ease, the groundedness, the lack of shame, the clean honesty.

They feel that they are entering a field where desire isn’t dangerous, where sexuality isn’t a performance, and where their own truth can finally breathe.

Why This Matters in My Work

People come to me with fear, confusion, shame, longing, and old wounds.

They come collapsed or constricted.

They come unsure of themselves.

They come carrying the same patterns I once lived inside.

And I can hold them, not because I know techniques, but because I’ve walked that terrain myself.

I’ve known the trembling.

I’ve known the collapse.

I’ve known the confusion.

And I’ve known the liberation that comes after.

I guide people through erotic healing not because I’m uninhibited, but because I’ve learned to be free.

One is rebellion.

The other is integration.

And integration changes everything.